By now you’ve probably heard the shocking news: Taylor Swift, the billionaire mega-celebrity pop star, is actually a Pentagon psyop, or psychological operation, whose ultimate mission is to get President Biden reelected.
Now that the singer’s beau Travis Kelce and his Kansas City Chiefs are going to the Super Bowl, that deranged conspiracy theory is getting more legs from the right-wing, MAGA-loving crowd that’s been rabid fans of other definitely true and totally plausible scenarios, like the one where John F. Kennedy Jr. comes back from the dead to run with former President Donald Trump. Could happen.
Never mind their track record on such wild whoppers — just because Pizzagate didn’t pan out and Biden probably isn’t a robot doesn’t mean this one isn’t true.
In between her Eras Tour’s 151 performances, it’s not hard to believe Swift has also been working with Deep State defense contractors on the side to manufacture a relationship with the Kelce, so that Americans finally discover the previously unknown singer and the NFL’s middling tight end, somehow rig the Super Bowl so that his bumbling team can win, and become so famous that when she endorses Biden it secures his reelection. What’s not to buy?
It shouldn’t matter that Swift is already one of the most famous people on the planet, Kelce is the NFL’s best tight end, and this will be the Chiefs’ fourth Super Bowl appearance in five years. Or that Swift already endorsed Biden in 2020. Who cares — this is totally happening.
But in case you’re a little skeptical (i.e., a brainwashed establishment lib), I’ll tell you how we got here, to a world in which a former Republican presidential candidate is wondering — out loud — “if there’s a major presidential endorsement coming from an artificially culturally propped-up couple this fall.”
On the evening of Jan. 9 this year, while you were probably taking down Christmas lights or doing dry January with a mocktail that — let’s face it — didn’t quite hit the same, over on Fox News a truth-defying primetime host was busy concocting yet another bogus and utterly bizarre story to rile up his gullible viewers.
“Have you ever wondered why or how [Swift] blew up like this?” Jesse Watters asked, seemingly unaware that the 12-time Grammy winner and billionaire has been famous for quite some time.
“Well, around four years ago, the Pentagon’s psychological operations unit floated turning Taylor Swift into an asset during a NATO meeting,” he told his viewers.
His proof? A video of a woman at a conference in a small Eastern European country suggesting that online communities could work with influencers like Swift to counter disinformation and misinformation online.
The speaker was a Johns Hopkins University research engineer, an academic. She does not work in the Pentagon’s psychological operations unit. She is not even a government employee.
No one discussed turning Swift into a Pentagon “asset.”
And the presentation was not at an official-sounding “NATO meeting,” but at a conference for the NATO Cooperative Cyber Defence Centre of Excellence, based in Estonia.
The Pentagon quipped back at Watters’ ridiculous hypothesis, “as for this conspiracy theory, we are going to shake it off.” Get it?
But as Swift and Kelce’s relationship blossomed, and the three-time Super Bowl champs won their AFC championship game — inexplicably! — the false prophecy became super-duper true to a MAGA base that’s been conditioned to fall for even the lamest attempts at fooling them.
“George Soros owns Taylor Swift music,” penned the busted conspiracy theorist Alex Jones on X. “She is a performer following orders. The dying system is trying to subconsciously switch her out with Biden in young voters minds. This only works if you are not living an awake life. If you are reading this and don’t understand there is a good chance you are in a waking trance.”
“I have never been more convinced that the Super Bowl is rigged,” Jack Lombardi, a rightwing personality posted on X.
Jack Posobiec, the favorite mouthpiece of white supremacists, insisted: “They’re gearing up for an operation to use Taylor Swift in the election against everything: against Trump, for Biden, they’re gonna get her and all you know they call them the Swifties, they’re going to turn those into voters, you watch.” No word on who “they” are.
All because a guy on Fox News — who’s pushed dozens of dumb conspiracy theories involving everything from “Law & Order: SVU” to the Grand Canyon — threw some more manure into the ether to keep MAGA angry, afraid and, in this case, delusional.
But angry, afraid, and delusional is just how Watters likes his viewers — because if they were happy, healthy, and sane, he couldn’t keep peddling this lunacy.
